smr/spec/parser_tests/Beauty_and_the_Banchou_1.lua

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The angry dogs, sirens, and the occasional angry shout in the distance. A normal high schooler would be afraid to walk a rough road like this. The road to the local high-school, it's a testament to one's strength in itself. "Last Shot High" they call it, the school that takes on all the kids that aren't accepted at any other educational institution. That includes the massive bodybuilder-esque man in a school uniform walking down the road right now. His pants are baggy and held up by a studded belt around his waist with a chain dangling on his leg. His blazer is modified to hang down to his knees, his long pompadour stands strong against the wind. Who is this menace to society? This rebellious youth? 
He is Tankaroshi Ryuji, the ones who orbit him call him Tank or Tank-sama. And for who he is? He's the second year banchou of Last Shot High.
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I open the front door of the school and march past the lockers to the stairway. A group of first years are squatting at the bottom and keep their heads down as I pass. I climb the stairs to the second year floor. When I pass one of the science rooms I can hear jeers and sounds of fighting. The door opens and a teacher hustles out, deciding it's best to go somewhere else and wait for it to blow over. The usual scenes that play out before me cause me to daze out before I realize I've reached my destination. The old Art room. It's long since been abandoned. After all, not much use for an art room when most of the kids here have never even picked up a pencil. So now it's the hangout for me and anyone who associates with me. As I reach for the doorknob a sound catches my attention, the sound of a feminine yelp. I stand there with my hand on the door, listening for any familiar voices in the mix. All I can hear is a few guys and that one voice.
"Hmm..." Situations like this are tricky, this isn't exactly a school with damsels in distress, usually when I try to help some girl out it turns out she started the fight and now I'm the asshole for interfering. But as usual I can't keep myself from it, I'm a man after all. I walk down the hall and turn the corner, from the back it looks like three third years are gathered around someone.
"Oi!" I yell at the three seniors who turn towards me.
"EH?! Well if isn't the big bad Tankaroshi-kun." The tall one seems to be the leader here as his cronies laugh.
"Picking on a girl in my hallway eh? I hope you weren't planning on getting out of here alive." I slide my blazer off and set it to the side. A freezing wind blows right through my tank top and bites at my arms, I can't help but shiver lightly. Jesus we can't afford heat anymore?
"Oh!? Is that right? Look at the little second year shivering in his britches." They shove someone behind them as they saunter up to me.
The tallest one stops right in front of me and looks up. He starts to poke my chest as he talks to me. "You think just because you're some roided up gorilla with half a foot on us you can take all three of us? How about you just go back to your classroo-"
I cut him off my grabbing his finger with my hand and lifting him up off the ground by it, his feet flailing wildly under him. I rear my head back and slam my forehead into his shocked face. Quickly, I throw him onto the mook on the left before turning my attention to the senior on my right. He swings his arm into my frame but it stops like he had just punched a wall. I grab onto his hair and swing him face first into the wall beside me. 
"Ora!" The leader had gotten back up and tried to tackle me in the back. I stumble a foot forward and drop my elbow backwards on top of him, slamming him straight down into the linoleum. I turn around to see the last one staring at me in shock.
"Well come on senior, teach me something." I sneer at him. And with that the fight is over, he ran away as his "friend" is clutching his face on the ground beside the wall. I take a step and kick the leader in the stomach. "Ora! You thought you could take me?! You're a thousand years too early!" He grabs his stomach and I throw my hands into my pockets, then turn to walk away.
"W-Wait please!" the sound of wood against tile approaches me at the sound of the feminine voice. Oh right, I did come here to save some chick huh?
I turn around to see a slender, tall girl wearing wooden sandals, white socks, and a long white kimono. Oh it's her.
"You're Tankaroshi-san Ryuji." She asks smiling.
I look her up and down, up to this point I've got glempses of her but haven't gotten to really see her up close yet.
I reach my hand out towards her cheek and pluck a frozen tear off of her and flick it down the hallway. "Yeah, Fubuki right?"
Her cheeks turn a dark shade of blue, "Oh I didn't know you knew me...and you're using my first name too..."
Hard not to, she sticks out more than any other person here. The new kid Tsuma Fubuki, and she's a Yuki-Onna.Now, monster girls aren't too common outside of the large metropolises, even a big city like ours seeing one is a rare sight. But even still that's not the only reason she sticks out.
She wears long outdated traditional garb around. (The girls here wouldn't be caught in anything so lady-like)
She scores the highest in all of the school. (Not a hard achievement by any means, but they rival even outside schools as well.)
And she's probably the only one here who wont end up dead in the streets or in the Yakuza.
Hell she's a model student, I'd say the only reason she ended up here is because no school wants a ghost haunting their halls.
We sit there in silence for a a few minutes as we awkwardly stare at each other. Her white kimono grips all the right spots, her hourglass figure and modest bust accented by it. Her face is spotless and pure as snow. Her light blue skin and white, almost dead looking eyes are pretty in a way. Whitish blue hair hangs down to her lower back right above her Kimono's sash. Well this conversation is going nowhere.
"Right...bye." I turn around with my hands in my pocket and walk away.
"Oh! Please wait!"
I sigh and turn back around.
"I wanted to thank you for saving me." She gives me a deep bow at the waist and holds it for an uncomfortable amount of time.
"Right...bye." I turn around and take a step forward before I feel something on the back of my arm.
"Tankaroshi-san!" Her small hand tries to grip the back of my arm. It felt icy cold at first but has quickly grown to a comforting coolness. After she notices me staring at her hand she takes it back and folds her hands into her lap.
"Tankaroshi-san!"
I pinch the bridge of my nose, "Just call me tank or Tankaroshi if you'd rather. Drop the san."
She nods and continues, "Tankaroshi! What do you like to eat?" 
"Meat. Protein." I answer her out of left field question.
She nods her head and looks at me with a look of fiery determination, "From now on I will make you lunch! Chicken and Beef!" She bows deeply and walks off down the hall, she walks so elegantly she seems to glide over the linoleum floors.
I shrug and go back to the Art Room.
 
"Please accept this!" Fubuki hands me a small box. It's of course cold to the touch, like it has been for the last week. I crack open the lid and pick out a brownish ice cube with my fingers, I toss it into my mouth. I never thought I could get brain freeze from fried chicken.
"Well how is it?" She studies my face as I crunch through the ice.
"It's...homemade."
She nods her head and keeps staring; I guess she wasn't satisfied with that answer.
I sigh, "Well it's the thought that counts Fubuki, you don't have to keep doing this we're even now you can forget about last week."
She cocks her head at me, "Hmm? OH! I'm not cooking for you because of that!" She hides her mouth as she giggles. I guess I'm left out of the loop here. "A woman cooks for her husband right?"
The new ice cube I had thrown in my mouth now slowly slides out from my lips and falls back into the box with a clatter.
"Uh...yeah." I raise my brow and lean back from the box. "So what does that have to do with this situation here?"
"Oh I've taking a liking to you! So now we're married." She leans in and tries to wrap herself around my arm, she can just barely do it. Uh...I've never been confessed to before. Is this a confession? Is this how they work? And she's confessing to me? I'm terrible with the ladies, I'm rough, they say I'm way too muscly and big, and the worst part, they say my face is scary. I'm not going around trying to make my face scary dammit!
Her cold body feels comfortable on my arm even in the middle of fall, I've always had a high body temperature so I've grown fond of her touch over the past week, but now I kind of feel self conscious about it.
"So married now huh? I don't think that's really how it works-"
"Oh maybe not for you humans but for Yuki-Onnas it is." She cuts me off. "Yeah I saw you walking down the hall one day and took an interest in you. You saving me is what made me decide to keep you." She smiles as if she's remembering a good childhood memory.
Yeah, this isn't a proposal this is a fucking notice of marriage.
"You know we haven't even been on a date yet, right?"
She jumps in the bench we're sitting in, "Oh! Yes let's go on a date!" She claps as she pesters me about where we're going.
Man I want to say she misunderstood, but I got a feeling she knows what she's doing. Maybe I should just roll with it. Really, she's extremely attractive, like one of the prettiest women I've ever seen. Plus if I don't she'll probably freeze me to death or some shit, and I really don't want to die some Yanki Virgin.
"Alright." I groan, but a grin forms on my face. "This weekend then." She hugs my arm tightly before opening up a box of her own.
I see she doesn't eat her own cooking...
 
"Hey come on man, I left my wallet on the bus, just let me borrow a bit huh? Everything in it should do." The kid from a rival school shrinks and hands me the money from his wallet.
"Hey you're the best pal." I pat him on the back and put it into my wallet.
"That should be enough." I mumble to myself as I make my way to the school gates. These posers want to act tough but they sure get shook down easy. "Man I'm like crazy nervous right now." I wipe the sweat from my palms on my jeans as I walk down the road. First date, and with the prettiest girl you've ever seen...who is apparently your new wife. The air around me grows cold and I look up to see Fubuki waiting by the school. I jog the distance up to her.
"Wow..." Her kimono looks fancy, icicle like trinkets dangle from it and ornate designs are woven into the fabric.
"Now love don't stare, it's embarrassing." She shifts to the side giving me a real good look at her side profile.
>deposited into spank bank
I clear my throat, "Y-you-" *Ahem*, "You look really pretty today Fubuki."
Her smile is blinding. She holds out her arms, her light blue hands and perfect nails glisten. Unsure of what to do I step forward. She wraps herself around my forearm. "Alright husband, where are we going?"
I've thought of a few places over the past few days but I sure as hell don't know what girls like. I think the arcade's a bad idea, she probably doesn't want to go walking around looking for trouble, the gym would make a bad date. I'll stick with a classic, dinner. Just got to think of a place to eat at now.
"Welcome to NcDaniels, what can I get for you today?"
My eyes squeeze shut in frustration. This is the best I could come up with...?
"Oh, hamburgers, I'm fond of these. Love, will you order for me?" She squeezes the arm she's wrapped around.
She seems genuinely happy with the place I picked, looking at her I figured she'd have a more expensive pallet.
"Don't see why not." I order my food first to get the easy part out of the way. I sweat bullets as the menu hanging over the employee starts to blur. Oh shit what do I get here? She's a girl so she shouldn't eat too much right? But if I get a kids meal or something I'll definitely be in for it then. I take a breath and grab the employee's collar, "I want a NcSingle with small fry, it better be the best burger you all ever made if you know what's good for ya!" I show my top teeth as I let go of him. Ah fuck, I panicked and went into delinquent mode in front of her, now she'll think I'm just a big, dumb brute like the rest of the gir-
"Oh that's so sweet Tankaroshi! Taking care of me like that." She puts her hand on her cheek as she blushes a dark blue.
Alright so far so good...
I look around to find the best seat in the building, in the back corner there is a fantastic view of the bustling city, but of course there's obstacles. I stare a hole in the back of one of the kid's head. He rubs his neck and turns around to see me staring at him. He grabs his friend and runs out as fast as he can. Seat secured.
I escort the lady back to the booth and help her into her side.
"Oh what wonderful seats! Not as lovely as the view on the mountains are, but the city's activity sure is fun to watch!" She gazes out the window in awe as the passing cars blur and the occasional pedestrian walks by.
"Hey Fubuki, just a question here..." I rub the back of my head awkwardly. She perks up, giving me her undivided attention. "Why did you decide to date me?" It's kind of a shitty question on a first date, but I'm genuinely curious.
She puts her delicate finger to her pouty, blue lips. "Well...Maybe it's your strength." She smiles and continues, "Your hair is super cool, the way you talk when you get into a fight, that look of determination."
So she's saying she just likes me because I'm the toughest kid in school, that's disappointing.
"Even when you're out of a fight and you're thinking that same look is on your face. I guess I like your face." She giggles behind her hand as she squeezes her eyes shut in embarrassment. She looks back at the window, "I think...maybe it's fate really..."
I switch the subject to keep from getting too red in front of everybody. And as we enjoy each others company while the food is prepared we overhear a conversation behind us.
"Ugh it sure is ugly out, I know it was so pretty out just a while ago. I don't know how it got so cold so quickly, I even thought I saw a snowflake outside."
The girl in front of me shifts uncomfortable as she hangs her head in shame, "Umm...Tankaroshi. I'm sorry..."
My body and mind wants me to beat the people behind me until an apology is cried out from them, but even I know that wouldn't help this situation. I have to think tactfuly here but I can't lie to her either. "Fubuki. I love the winter, I love snow. The grey sky out is as beautiful to me as any sunny day and to be honest I think that's because I've gotten used to being around you." I nod earnestly as I say that. She looks in my eyes shocked to see that I'm telling the truth. She smiles at me. I've grown soft to this girl over the past couple weeks, more than I thought normal, maybe it's just a Yuki-Onna's ability over men, maybe I'm just actually into her. The prospect of such a ludicrously sudden marriage seems less and less profound as I spend time with her.
The bell rings giving me the perfect time to run from this face redening moment. I shake my thoughts out of my head. No it's definitely crazy.
As I sit down with the food she does a little prayer and we dig in.
"You sure eat a lot Tankaroshi." She giggles as she watches me stuff the burgers into my mouth.
"Well you know, I'm still growing after all..." I mumble to myself as she keeps giggling.
We enjoy our dinner and laugh with each other, a date well done if it wasn't for the people who walked in next.
Four delinquent chicks had walked by the window and caught eye of me. Now I'm the biggest, baddest banchou in all of the world. Though I do have one weakness...
"Oi! It's Tank-Chan!" One of the girls slam their hands on the table as they hover around us.
I don't hit women. And around my school the girls are just as bad as the boys.
"Finally got yourself a girl eh? Your ugly ass wasn't too interested in me huh? But you'll settle for some monster bitch!?" She points at Fubuki's face.
I shrug, never looking her in the eye "It isn't any of your business, please leave sis." 
She sneers and laughs, "Oh am I ruining your date? What are you going to do about it? You gunna take a swing at me big man?" She pats her cheek as she leans in to give me a shot.
"Go away, you're bothering me again." I roll my eyes as I ignore her. After a while she gets her jeers in. Guess she gets off on talking down to people she has to look up to. I slump into the booth, ready for another four or five minutes of this shit.
"Yeah just lay back and ta-huurk*" My eyes widen as I see her face being slammed into the table by her blond hair.
"Eh!? You ruining my date bitch?" I see Fubuki's usually feminine and beautiful face twisted into a jeer as she shows her teeth and curls her lip, her eyelids half open as if uninterested in the prey in front of her. The bully is grabbing at her head where Fubuki has her hand wrapped up. "Tch, you shouldn't poke your nose where it doesn't belong, it's bad for your health you know?"
As Fubuki's fist tightens my fem-bully winces. "Now what did you call my stud? Ugly? I'll show you ugly." She slams her face on the table one more time before letting her fall backwards onto the floor. Fubuki lights up a cigarette as she stands up. Even for a guy she's quite tall, so she has a good five or six inches over the other girls. She lets the cigarette dangle from her pretty blue lips as she leans over them, "Idiots. You bore me, go home and get stuffed." The air kicks up inside the NcDaniels as drinks freeze in peoples hands and nipples poke through sweaters. They all scramble off the floor and run out as she tosses the cigarette at them.
"Tch, shit eaters..." She mumbles as she sits in the booth next to me and takes my arm around her.
"Mmm, I love this date dear! Let's have many more!" She smiles cutely as she nuzzles into my side.
 
On that day Tankaroshi, the banchou of Last Chance High fell in love with Fubuki the ex-banchou of Frozen Pass high.
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